Ark by J. J. Wilder

Author:J. J. Wilder [Wilder, JJ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-941098-77-6
Publisher: NLA Digital LLC

6

Sorrow

“‘I am sorry I ever made them.’” Genesis 6:7 (NLT)

My prayers that my husband will be killed in battle go unanswered. He returns to Larsa filled with the pride of someone who always gets what he wants.

He comes to my rooms nearly every night, and he behaves as if he were still on the battlefield. My thighs and womanhood are sore from him, but he will not relent. He is punishing me for murdering his child, and I take his punishment because, deep down, I know I deserve it. Even the child of a monster like Sin-Iddim deserves to live, but I could not stomach the thought of bearing his child. I simply could not do it.

Poor Mirra. She did as I asked, and she died for it, as she knew she would. I saw the knowledge of death in her eyes when she left. I don’t know how Sin-Iddim knew Mirra gave me the herbs. For all I know, he has her killed simply out of sheer petulance, for letting me miscarry. I do not know, and I cannot care. She is dead, and no prayers of mine can bring her back.

I still think of Japheth. His face erupts in my dreams. His tender lips brush mine as I sleep, and then I wake to an empty room and an aching heart. Irkalla has given up trying to rouse me, or cheer me. Days turn into weeks, and then weeks into months, and I allow myself to grow lethargic. I do not allow the servants to dress me or paint my eyes with kohl. I eat little and drink wine until the room spins from morning till night.

Sin-Iddim is furious. He married me for my beauty, and I have stolen it from him. He comes to me, rages at me, hits me, kicks me, curses me. Madness gleams in his eyes, and I find satisfaction knowing I put it there.

Or make it worse, at least. I believe he has always been mad, and I have simply thrown oil onto the fire.

This cannot continue. I will die soon, and I will welcome the darkness.

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